dreams...

a few nights ago i said a prayer that God would speak prophetically in my dreams and give me a glimpse into the future.  i was feeling courageous.  that night i dreamed ikea was having a 4 hour sale where everything in the store was $9.00.  so look for that to happen sometime in the future.  also quite surprising was they sold trader joes deodorant which i was stacking into my cart by the dozens but now come to think of it was a total rip off at 9 bucks a pop.  i remember going to the bedding section and people were throwing punches for duvet covers and i began to panic.  i've tried to unpack the meaning and i just can't do it.  most likely because it means nothing at all.

so again i'm reminded there is no quick fix when the future remains foggy. kind of like the morning fog on hwy 261.  it's scary to not see ahead but beautiful because you are completely surrounded.  now you unpack that brilliance right there.  i should be a preacher.

when crickets attack...

life has been as predictable as don draper shmoosing a woman.  i've laughed, i've cried, i've annoyed my husband.  but that doesn't stop him from buying me flowers, that stud of a dude.  work however, always keeps me on my toes.  "we're in deep caca if we don't get those reports out in time", says my boss.  deep caca?  "fax those emails to warshington".  um, can't i just email them?  the great tom hanks once said "she makes coffee, nervous" and was this a prophetic word if there ever was one.  she is a wonderful, anxious, wonderful woman.  luckily i am able to keep calm and fax those emails on.  i am so grateful to be here that not even a lot a little projected anxiety can ruin my day.  but slow internet? that makes me want to throw paper clips.

my lunchtime nap was one of the best.  i was drooling and twitching and had a complete unawareness of where i was when my cricket alarm went off.  it all happened so fast though, being in such a deep sleep, i thought there were crickets ON me.  the 4 seconds of flailing and yelling that followed were some of the best moments of my life, but i'm glad there were no witnesses. 

and heck yes i will be making some trader joes pumpkin bread tonight as i cry watching parenthood and brad pretends to really want children some day. 

and that was only tuesday *snaps fingers in a z formation*

it all started with a pumpkin candle...

i haven't been able to focus all day.  i've been distracted with things that are way over my head and out of my control and well, i don't like the feeling.  my head has been fuzzy and at times i've felt like throwing up.  which then made me worry if i'm pregnant, resulting in more head fuzziness and wanting to throw up-ness.  then i had to interact with a mean new yorker who was immune to my charm and overall helpfulness.  can you imagine?  you, miss new york, could learn a lesson in fashion, self awareness and volume control.  and jesus loves you. 

but things got better at office depot of all places.  it was there that i found the smallest and cutest pumpkin candle there ever was.  sorry dude, another one is making it's way into our home.  it was the most frivolous two dollars i've ever spent.  that might not be true though because i can't remember what frivolous means.  pulling out of the parking lot i was so elated with my candle that i nearly hit a man on a bike.  a man on a bike i say!  i slammed on my brakes and he glared at me all the way across the street.  and then he nearly ran into a parked car.  a parked car i say!  and then i laughed at the irony of it all and went back to thinking about my candle. 

it's the little things isn't it?  life can be so big and complicated and then something so small can center you again.  the little things can remind you that no matter what is happening, life, with all it's parts, is still good. 

clear eyes, full hearts...

to be married is to be on a team.  we are team thayer.  together we fight off the evil that comes our way.  we really should have capes, maybe orange and blue?  sorry, focus.  each day brings something different and we decide, how will we deal with that?  when you look at it like that, life is not boring.  it is unpredictable.  car problems, job problems, your chia pet rally monkey has still failed to grow.  see, unpredictable.  how you approach these challenges will make you or break you.  here's what i've found to be helpful on being a team player:

1) remember they are on your team. this is especially important to remember when you don't understand where the heck they are coming from.  remember how great you thought their differences were when you were dating?  you told all of your friends that he/she would "balance" you so well.  well.  suck it up because this is what those differences look like when life happens.  you need their differences.  breathe.  remember they are on your team. 

2) ask the question: what decision will lead us in the direction of our dreams?  don't forget to dream!  now there are team dreams and individual dreams and sometimes one has to be put aside for the other.  make sure you're comfortable with the sacrifices you will be making, no one likes a bitter team mate.

3) when things get tense, try to remember the last time they did something funny.  the weird dance they do, the fart that cleared the room, the ocd rituals they try to hide.  reminisce on one of those funnies and remember that you actually adore your other half. 

maybe when i've been married for more than 1 year, 10 months and 2 days, i'll have more than 3 points. 

cheers!

shout out to my friend ario, holla!

today the flame broiler lady asked if i would like dark meat or breast meat.  and then i said "breast milk".  what can you do at that point?

my toothless co worker suggested we all make a list of who in the office can perform mouth to mouth in the unfortunate event that one of us stops breathing.  a hierarchical list per say of our preferences.  he kept pushing the issue so i had to tell him he would not be on my list.  he's the same person that said if you don't want to pay for your meal at benihana's, simply have them cut off your hand so you bleed out and die.  now you don't think i'm so mean huh. 

while trying to sleep this morning, i woke up to dudester jumping imaginary tiny motorcycles off of my nose. 

if i had a fantasy football team i would name it pumpkin spice.  the dude loves that.

i decided that living in chicago would be living the dream.

and i am quite pleased with my outfit today.

happy thursday.

word...

in the words of rihanna: life's too short to be sittin round miserable.

so i blog.

sometimes all i know to do is communicate.  i've been given the gift of gab, this i know.  but to be able to communicate what's in your mind and in your heart, what a relief that is for me.  and to have it received with grace, a gift.  words come easy for me.  i've always felt confident of my voice, i know i have things to say.  props to you father!  but with the gift of gab comes the reality that my words are powerful.  how hurtful, how gracious, how lovely they can be.  like the sword, they can destroy or protect.  and just like everything else, it points to our heart.  oh that annoying little factoid. 

i see a theme in my life and that is choice.  the choice of attitude, of obedience and now of voice.

do you remember that thing they said to you, that still hurts?
do you remember the compliment that left you feeling lighter?

those words are still with you, good and bad.  my hope is that our words are remembered as praise and love and challenge. 

palabra. 

this is what ADD looks like...

so many important things have happened this weekend that you need to know.  don't act like you're too good to know.  the dude and i added another family handshake to our repertoire.  in this one we say boom shakalaka.  it's a shorter, more to the point handshake compared to our other one.  family handshakes are a value of ours.  it's a great way to celebrate the little victories that only your partner would understand.  like when we successfully prepared our chia pet rally monkey.  boom shakalaka.

oh and brad has requested to be called the dude for all internet purposes.  he was quite curious as to why i hadn't given him an internet nickname yet.  sheesh.  i already cleaned the closet man, what more do you want from me.  but dude it is.

i managed to survive home goods this weekend only spending $14.99, and it was all for my beloved dude.  my shopping cart was originally full of pumpkin candles but then i saw it.  it was a bull dog wearing an angels hat.  ahhhhh.  those are the angels singing.  "oh my gosh" i thought, "this would cheer up the dude and make him forget how i don't cook or clean!"  but in a strange turn of events, he was actually underwhelmed by it, but it was already hanging on our wall so he had no choice.  i am really good at compromise.

isn't it crazy to think about where you were 10 years ago.  not only to remember 9/11, but to remember who you were and what you were doing.  are you where you thought you'd be 10 years later?  are there things you still haven't done?  things you wish you could do differently?  how have you changed?  how are you better?  how are you worse?

that's what i've been thinking about this weekend.

the september issue...

hey!  i'm good i'm good.  how are you?  just enjoying the office life.  i have dreamy mitt romney to watch and artsy pictures of office supplies to take!  ok well that took 20 minutes.  now what.  the office is a buzz with, nothing.  i can hear the faint sounds of the copier working hard and gerda date stamping with purpose.  a telemarketer called and so i hung up.  she called back to say i "should be more civil and not just hang up" and then she hung up.  i'll soon make a fed ex run which means i'll call brad and enjoy the 10 minutes i get to chat with him.  and that's it people.  oh and i'm growing out my bangs which means life is hard. 

i created the most wonderfully magic "i heart fall" board on pinterest and i want to jump into the computer screen so i can live in it.  sometimes i feel like throwing a two year old tantrum because i want a real fall.  cold, leaves, chilly air, fireplaces, harvesty things and jcrew sweaters.  but i don't because i save my tantrums for when i can't buy things at anthropologie.  see, life is hard.  so far september has brought the devil's heat but september is a transition month anyway.  the world starts to close the chapter on summer, we take that one last bike ride at the beach, and start to change our focus towards a new season.

i've been in a september for a while now.  i can feel a new season coming and  i'm waiting to enter it.  today i was thinking about all the seasons i'll have in my life and had to remind myself to just go with it.  let it happen, all guided by grace and love.  i think about regrets and hope i don't have any, but i believe life isn't supposed to be perfect anyway.  whatever happens will be my story with God.   

the one about that one time...

                                  

we had just had one of those conversations that makes you feel warm and connected.  the kind of talk where you actually see star dust and pink and chubby angels ahhhing at your love.  i smiled and replayed my favorite parts of our talk in my head and thought, surely there was never a man who loved his wife better.  i looked over lovingly to see him with the same look on his face.  ah, he must be thinking about me.  i smiled at that thought and had to know more.  i snuggled up to him...

"what are you thinking about?"  i said all cute and soft, shamelessly ready to hear how adorable i am.

"i'm thinking about if i'm going to fall asleep on my back or on my side."

he rolls over.

"side".

and then those chubby angels choked on the star dust and fell to their death, and we went to sleep.

but i mean, in his defense, we had just had an hour conversation about feelings so the dude was tired. 

 

perspective...

i've been telling people that my new job is kind of dumb, but my life is fantastic.  that is, when i have the right perspective.  2 days, exactly the same, and i can feel so different living them.  one has deep sighs, anxiety, boredom, frustration, annoyances, and cookies.  the other has peace, gratefulness, flexibility, happiness, joy and almonds.  i'm learning the power of perspective.  i can choose my attitude for the day.  i can choose to focus on the good while i wait for what's coming.  i can choose what perspective i will operate out of.  i don't always like it, but the choice is mine.  

i can also choose to buy 23 dollar jeans and a western shirt online, which i did.  and eat half a cookie instead of 4.  and isn't that the biggest victory of them all.  shoot.
i wonder how many pumpkiny items brad will let me put in the house this year?  and don't you think they should have special fall music for decorating just like there is the mariah carey christmas album for christmas decorating?!  i should be president.  one day when we were first married i announced, "it's time to decorate for faaall!!!" but he just sat there and kept playing angry birds.  it was so weird. selective listening is a real thing people.  this reminds me, sometimes when brad doesn't know what he's supposed to say, as if i've trapped him or something (i know, ridiculous), i just whisper to him the answer.  we find it helpful.

"don't you just love fall more than anything in the whole wide world brad?!"

nervous silence

"just say yes" i whisper.

"yes"

"me TOO!!!!"

and when it comes to fantasy baseball talk i need the same kind of help.  listen, we can't expect our spouses to read our minds, so instead, let's give them the option of selecting the right answer so we all feel great at the end of the day.  see, perspective.

you're welcome.