on being dumped...



The other day my friend texted asking for some advice. She has a friend who moved to New York City to be with her boyfriend and then he dumped her. Son-of-uh. Can we give this girl some Internet support? Let’s start a Facebook fan page entitled You Suck New York Man.

So my friend was asking for suggestions on how to handle being dumped. I thought this would be a nice start to my new series Hey Carrie, I have a question.

So you just got dumped. You feel embarrassed. You feel devastated. You may even feel angry because you wanted to be the one who did the dumping. Well honey, here are some ways of handling yourself that can  help you move on while showing the world what a classy gal you really are.

1. Stop looking at his Facebook page. You might not be able to go cold turkey, so try limiting yourself to one view per day instead of hitting refresh every one minute. The Internet will seem like the portal you need to answer all of your burning questions about him and what he's feeling/thinking. Try as hard as you can pretty girl to resist the pain it will cause you. Stop looking at his Facebook page. Say it with me now.

2. Give yourself the freedom to mope, cry, feel sorry for yourself, ponder the direction your life has taken you and wander your apartment aimlessly in sweat pants. Watch lots of movies to numb the pain and cry at really random times. Be melancholy and journal at Starbucks until your lovely little hand falls off. You just got dumped for goodness sake, make cookies and eat them all.

3. Ask yourself a lot of questions. What have you learned from this relationship? What worked and what didn’t? What traits did you like in him and what traits annoyed the heck out of you? Did you like who you were in that relationship? Be intentional about processing your relationship with friends, parents, mentors or a counselor.

4. Which leads me to my next point – you must surround yourself with the good ones; the people that know you, love you and can tell you like it is. There is a time for isolation, but you cannot come out of this well without the people who love you. 

5. Once you’ve given yourself a few hours, days, weeks or months to grieve (depending on the length of your relationship) – you must choose to move on. It may sound harsh, but give yourself an expiration date for your grief. You can’t always control the state of your heart but you can choose what you will do with it.

6. The end of a relationship can bring about a new attitude. You suddenly might feel inspired to live life to the fullest so take advantage of it! Pursue a new dream, take a risk, do something different or go back to what it was you loved. Cut your hair or grow it out. Start training for that marathon or apply for that grad program. The end of one thing is the beginning of another.

7. Beware of the rebound. It’s not just a myth! Your heart will be craving the attention it deserves and as we used to say in college, "A girl's gotta eat". Get dressed up and go on a date. Heck, kiss him even. Just don’t jump into anything serious until enough time has passed and you are ready. If you’re asking yourself if you’re ready, you’re probably not ready.

8. Most likely you will cross paths with your ex or one of his acquaintances. Breathe. Be respectful and cordial. Don’t be overly chipper or mean. Try not to have a Jerry Springer moment. Remember that the first time is always the most jarring so don’t be too hard on yourself. You have come much farther than you think. Besides, you looked so good he was kicking himself.

9. And sometimes they will come crawling back. They'll realize how great you are and how stupid they were; take a moment to enjoy the groveling. You might even end up getting back together. This is a judgment call that only you can make. Remember that our view can become very cloudy when we only remember the good times so bring your friends and family into the conversation; they will help you decide what is best for you. Relationships can end because they are broken or simply because the timing was wrong. It’s up to you dear.

10. Keep believing in love! This is absolutely the last thing you want to hear, I know, but just because it didn’t work out this time doesn’t mean there isn’t that hunk of burning love around the corner. One day you will look back and feel proud that you survived that one time when that one guy dumped you. But for now, stay off Facebook and have another cookie.

So seriously, if you have a question on life, love or loss, email me! You and yours will remain unanimous.

carrielynnthayer@gmail.com